I Have Been Changed for Good: 10 Years

I like this reminiscing stuff. January 28th marks 10 years or two HUGE milestones. I thought I would re-post a blog entry I wrote on a different, private blog. It explains...a lot. It wasn't written the day of the milestones, but it shares what I experienced with one of them.

FRIDAY, MAY 15, 2009

Day 7: Wicked Worries

There comes a problem when you have loved something so much for a time, and then excitedly and anxiously come to encounter it again: you are afraid it will not measure up--up to your memories of and up to your love for it.

I've seen this worry happen with books. Movies. Places. People. This time, it's Wicked. (What else?) Nothing can beat the first time you experience anything. Whether good, happy, funny, sad, scary, terrible, or whatever the experience, nothing beats it. And my first experience with Wicked? It's one of the most unbeatable of the unbeatables. All I knew when I entered that theater was

1. It was a story about the witches in Oz
2. I'd heard 1 or 2 songs which I vaguely remembered
3. It was ranked #3 of all the musicals playing on Broadway

And all I thought I knew when I entered the theater was

1. The whole musical takes place before Dorothy comes to Oz
2. The witches were friends but shows how they became enemies
3. The musical shows how the Wicked Witch becomes wicked

I was wrong. In so many, many ways.
There I sat for over 2 hours thinking That's why she's going to become evil. And That's going to be a big reason she turns bad. I--like the rest of Oz and, yes, the world--was so ready to believe her to be bad. Willing to let anyone tell me that this meant she was evil, that meant she was bad, and told to shun and hate her because that's what we do with people we don't know or understand. (Beauty and the Beast: "We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us...")
Do any of you have any idea how much I hate prejudice? Being pre-judged about something and then summarily treated a certain way because of that pre-judgement, with others not bothering to get to know who you really are. And there I was at the end, sobbing not only because of everything that had happened on stage, but everything that had happened in me. How could I have thought what I did? And been ready to believe what I did? And how often do I do that every day in my own life? "Till [that] moment, I never knew myself." -Elizabeth Bennet
Well, not just the life-changing part of the the musical stood out. The characters. Who was who. The costuming (some bizarre yet very Oz-fitting things there). The effects. The music. That last one alone would have made for a most magnificent experience.
All of it was new to me when I was in the Gershwin theater in NYC. Every bit was absolutely increcible and I had to record every possible thing I could in my memory. Then, of course, I went through typical post-watching musical symptoms--most of my cast was better than the recording. (I couldn't listen to any Les Mis recording for months after my first time seeing the play, because the jaw-dropping Randal Keith beats out the wonderful Colm Wilkinson any day.) No picture or pirated copy of a scene here or there could compare with actually being there. Nothing compares to actually being there.
So the worry that comes is when you're going to encounter it again. My first experience was incredible. I'm not saying it was perfect. (Ben Vereen was sick and wasn't there as the wizard. Terrible disappointment!) But as my first everything with Wicked, it was perfect. And a second encounter is a worrisome thing because what compares with perfect? What if Galinda's Galinda-ness is way too much? (Because I do think that's possible, even for a self-centered airhead.) Or Fiyero's voice just doesn't make him the Winkie Prince? Or Nessa's character gets sadly underdone and overlooked. Or the effects/costuming just don't have the pizzazz? Or the choice of staging is not quite how I would have imagined or wished for? So many things that just might not...measure up. And yet, that is the joy of

The Theater

And like so many other things in this life (particularly theatrical stuff), we find that it doesn't have to measure up. It never will. Because each instance, each movie, each book, each place, each musical, each garden, each building, each person is its own thing. There is no need to measure up to anything except itself. And since 1/2 of what we get out of a thing is what we bring to it ourselves, then how in heavens could we expect to measure it against something else. Compare, yes. I will certainly do that. But measure it up? No. This performance will be its own performance. Separate of any and all I have ever seen or experienced in life.

And I wouldn't want it to be any other way.

Some pictures of times I've been to see it since, and 2 of the 3 times I've dressed as Elphaba for Halloween.

My 1st Halloween as Elphaba (the year I first saw Wicked - 2006)

2nd time seeing Wicked - Norfolk, VA in 2009

Virginia YSA 2010 Halloween Dance

3rd time to see Wicked - SLC tour in August 2012

And the journal entry recording the milestones? It was written on Feb. 1st, partly. Because that was the same day that I got my first ever Ouidad haircut, and learned how to style my hair the Ouidad way. And that was a huge part of my NYC day-trip. I managed to write that part. It was late when I finished, and I never got back to writing about the play part. Completely shocking, but then SO much happened that year since I unexpectedly moved back to UT only 6 weeks later. But I figured I'd still include the journal entry because both Ouidad and Wicked were HUGE life-changing events for me.

I had about 5 hours of sleep. Then I was up & ready. Jen got me around 7:20a.m. And we were on our way! We got to NYC & parked @ the GMC Parking Garage by 9:30. They parked the car for us. We walked to the Ouidad Salon. I was nervous about meeting Ouidad. She seemed to like me hair. SHe held it out on both sides & asked, "What is this?" I replied, "My hair?" - "How long?" "2 1/2 years." - "No way. It would have been to here" (my shoulders). - "Yes, that's about right." 

I seemed to diagnose my hair type & problems right since she didn't correct me. She looked at the album I put together of my hair history on Friday. She thought it was great I was donating my hair. She had me stand up by the side of the chair, turned to the women behind her & said, "I'm committing murder." I was to hold the hair. She asked if I was ready, then she cut. She didn't pull it straight like the directions said you could. She cut 11 inches--curly--off because it asks for 10 & they can't use the ends. My hair was to my shoulders when she finished & she had me look in the mirror at it. By that point, she had no option of keeping it longer or making it short. It was going to be short. It was kind of weird holding my hair as she cut. Looked like I was holding a horse's tail. 

As I was heading back to get my hair washed, she stopped me & said. "We could go shorter!" meaning I could have shorter hair & still get the curl--what I wanted every time I had a hair chop. Her assistant washed my hair. It was almost like a scalp massage. Then Ouidad cut it. What a thing that was to see. Her signature "carving & slicing" was very impressive & I couldn't get enough of watching. It was pretty much cutting on a diagonal & starting further up than I'd have expected. Then her assistant took me from then on. I agreed to a Deep Treatment ($50 more) because it's what 1st made Ouidad famous & I wanted to see how to do it. I was under a dryer thing for 20 min. Then she put in Ouidad's products & explained what she was doing. Air dry is preferable after that, but you don't leave a salon w/ wet hair. So I was under the dryer for a bit & then she used a diffuser on me. 

When I was able to sit up in the chair & see in the mirror, I had a head of curls! It was neat to see. Even Ouidad turned & looked & was surprised to see how well it turned out. I suppose even w/ all her knowledge, every curly head is different & will display itself w/ its differences. Many in the salon (& since) keep thinking that I must be shocked by the change. But it's not the length that gets me. I've had at least 2 "drastic" cuts & I can well remember having hair that length or growing out of the length. I think most of college was that way. What gets to me is how much curl there is. I've washed & styled it once since then. Let it air dry. Not as much lift & all like at the salon. But there is definitely curl. 

I decided to buy the products she used since I was there & she'd marked everything she used in my instruction booklet. The whole bit ended up costing ~$350--twice what I'd originally thought. But, my last 2 cuts were chops, and they were guy related. Something drastic to remind not to be an idiot (in the same way) again. This time, it was for me. So it was a cut. And by someone who knew what she was doing and could help me start fresh. I am happy w/ it. And it's fun to have more prominent bounce & swing. The back is apparently really curly & looks great. But I don't really see the back. I only see from the front. I'm not as pleased w/ that because I still feel like it's winging out from my face & making my face look rounder & bigger. I think it will continue to take practice styling before I'm fully satisfied w/ the front.

However, I still prefer long hair over short. Maybe not as long as it was. I want it to look healthy. But I love to play w/ it. And long hair just feels like Princess Hair. I feel regal & beautiful when my hair goes past my shoulders. When it's short, I feel cutesy. I like both feelings, but I'm not going to keep my hair forever this length & style. And Ann keeps telling me that I have to & that she will change my mind about long hair. She thinks I cut my hair because she has boy-short hair. (Which haircut, by the way, she got long before I ever met her.) I really feel if she keeps talking as she has, I'm going to end up hating my hair. 

But for now, I do like it. I'm just annoyed by all the comments of looking "better" & "more mature." Was I immature before? Ann makes me feel like I was ugly before it went short. I understand looking older because long hair at my age makes one look rather young. And all of the old hair is gone so it looks healthier. And darker because the lower part was light from such long sun exposure. But I have to constantly remind myself that DE people are used to me w/ long hair & college friends are used to me w/ short. When they hear about the cut, they won't be too surprised. And in the last 5 years, I have learned that those who meet me w/ long hair prefer me w/ short & those who meet me w/ short prefer me w/ long. Well, I'm the one that it matters most. I love long. And no, Ann, no matter what you say I will always prefer long! If anything, that is one thing Mom has learned about me over the year. (That, & I love green.) And I'm pretty sure the more others press for me to stay short, the more I'm going to grow it out....

Happy 10 Wicked & Ouidad Years, Me!

More Sound of America memories

15 years ago - Venice & Verona! Shopping 1st meant I got my first ever porcelain doll (with the gorgeous hair, whom I no longer own) but never got to have my dream of riding in a gondola. Watching the niftiest demo at a glass factory. Getting Italian silk ties for the men in the fam. Singing in mass at St Mark's Basilica. Avoiding high tide in Venice (rather gross). Sunset over Venice  (unforgettable). Impromptu performance in the 3rd largest Roman Coliseum. Seeing Juliet's balcony.

See the awesome postcard in the upper right? I ADORE this post card. View #1:

View #2: (P.S. - this includes a things from Stresa and Grindelwald....)

Mass in St. Mark's Basilica:

Sound of America memories

This month marks 15 years of one of the greatest experiences of my life: my European tour! I am overcome with nostalgia. I've started posting on Facebook my memories, but realized I should probably put it on my blog--one of my more "permanent" places of reminiscing.

So, to catch up. Yesterday's post:
15 years ago - my first taste of Europe. Rothenburg ob der Tauber. Eating sauerkraut, bratwurst, and mashed potatoes for dinner. Having meat, cheese, and chocolate corn flakes for breakfast. Seeing the biggest snail of my life. Figuring out German money. First concert--on the cobblestone square! Buying a cuckoo clock which now hangs in my own home. Hearing the cathedral bells ring out over the town. ‪#‎SoundOfAmerica‬ ‪#‎Memories‬

Natalie Spring This made my day! Wish I could go back and do it all again. Of course with my good friend Heidi of the Alps. "Grandfather! Grandfather!"

Heidi-Marie Tice Natalie - me, too! That was one of the best months ever. And you were the best travel buddy. I'm in major nostalgia for SOA, so be on the look out for more Remembrance posts! smile emoticon

Rothenburg concert:

Today's first post:
15 years ago - Salzburg! Taking a ride in the Salt Mines beforehand (from which I still have my mini salt shaker). Feeling very sick and helpless because I couldn't find a Priesthood holder for a blessing. Visiting and singing around the Sound of Music sites. Buying my 1st music box (which a niece now has). Tasting Fanta for the 1st time and getting REALLY hyper after (something in that stuff....). Visiting my 1st Castle and my 2nd cathedral. (Almost) Eating the most disgusting seafood salad with whole octopi and seahorses in it--and thus totally losing my appetite the rest of the evening, even when the Beer Hall (in Inzell) where we performed gave us a free meal. ‪#‎SoundOfAmerica‬‪#‎Memories‬

Concert at Inzell. (Go to 2:50 to see the totally irreverent song, and thus a favorite of our repertoire.)

(Go to 2:50 to see the totally irreverent song, and thus a favorite of our repertoire.)

Today's second post:
15 years ago - Driving through the Alps, Part 1! Going on my first (and so far only) Alpine Slide--and watching Nate go flying over 3 people. Trying to hike to a lookout point at Grossglockner Pass and not being able to make it because of lack of oxygen, but later receiving flower bouquets from Kyle and Jason for trying. Experiencing my car sickness for the first time, just after we crossed into Italy and started heading down in elevation. Having my first Italian meal with the largest plate of spaghetti I've ever seen--and it was the appetizer!‪#‎SoundOfAmerica‬ ‪#‎Memories‬

The Explanatory Story of the Bathroom Comment

So, a few days on Facebook, I posted this:

Pre-ordered my Josh CD. And this HAD to be the Song of the Week (though this is the shorter version): 


(Now I feel the need to go clean a bathroom.... Long story.)

Now I can see the confusion related to this. So I felt the need to explain, as it is actually humorous and not worrisome.

As a young teen, I discovered my parents' record collection. Already I was a lover of musicals, so I was pretty excited to find records like the soundtrack for Oliver! I started to discover a bunch of other songs on records that I enjoyed. So--oh the old school tech days--I recorded the songs I liked from the records onto a cassette tape. (Yes, that meant I had to put the recorder up to the speakers as the record played. This was analog--we couldn't do a digital transfer!)

This tape was very treasured, and somehow, it became the tape I always listened to as I cleaned the bathroom. There was a cleaning routine, which meant the cleaning always began with the toilet (worst first) and then the sink, and the cast of Oliver! singing "Who Will Buy" and "I'd do Anything." Eventually I would get to the shower (biggest last), and if the timing was on, inevitably I would be scrubbing shower walls as I listened to "What I Did for Love." When I first recorded my cassette, I was not familiar with A Chorus Line. I saw a movie version once some time in my high school years. I remember not being as fond of it, but I still adored the song. Every time I cleaned a shower my heart would soar as she sang, "Goooooone! Love is never gone!"

So on Wednesday I pre-ordered the next Josh CD. With it, I was able to have two immediate song downloads. And one of them was "What I Did for Love." I couldn't wait to hear Josh sing that long-loved favorite. And if anyone knows how to soar on notes, Josh does. And not only does Josh do unsurprisingly amazingly awesome on "Gooooooone!," but his version then has hime sing it a second time--complete with key change!

And that my friends is while I will forever love and adore Josh, and this song of his, and still feel like I need to go clean a bathroom (specifically a shower) so I can sing "Gooooooone!" while scrubbing. Truly makes the work go faster and not seem like work whenever I can sing along as I do it. Especially a song that lets me belt like that. "Gooooooooone! Love is NEVER gooooooooone!"

The Muppets, The MoTab, and The Fontana

For all of my life, music and Christmas have always gone together. Music plays a huge role in my life, but at Christmas time, our home was saturated with it. Mom liked to keep holidays in their places, so growing up we did not start listening to Christmas music until the Thanksgiving meal was over. But we had a family tradition of how that music began, one that started either when I was quite the young little thing, or perhaps even a year or two before. At a friend’s home, my parents were discussing Miss Piggy and they mentioned a record that they had which had John Denver and the Muppets singing Christmas songs together, specifically Miss Piggy's Christmas is Coming.
 Already fans of John Denver and the Muppets, my family was intrigued. They listened. They loved. And our copy (whether record, cassette tape, or CD) of John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together was the first of all the Christmas music we would begin the season with. It still plays a part for me, as I have my own CD copy—one of the best presents my mother has ever given me when I was celebrating Thanksgiving in Nauvoo.

It was with great joy over a decade later to find the TV special they filmed based on that album. We taped that on to VHS. While not every scene in that is my favorite, I will watch it specifically for the songs from the album that I have grown up with.

But that was not the first Muppet Christmas-y thing our family added to our holidays. For as long as I can remember we had a taped-off-TV copy of The Christmas Toy, which movie would make me cry when the toys sang “Old Friends, Dear Friends.”
 Heavens—it still does as I was doing so only 2 weeks ago while decorating my home with my own copy of the movie playing.

The Muppet Christmas Carol came out around my 7^th grade year—the year I first read/studied the play in school. I still think it is one of the most brilliant adaptations ever. And probably one of the very few that shows Scrooge as he is in the book—already beginning to change from the Ghost of Christmas Past’s visit and not out of fear because of his and Tiny Tim’s bleak future. Being the family Queen of the Taped-Off-TV Acquisitions, I made sure to add this to our collection very quickly, though we bought the VHS a year or two later. I have my own DVD copy of it now. It is watched every year, because it wouldn't be Christmas without it,

Around this time, we discovered one of the best gems ever on TV: The Muppet Family Christmas. My mom and I were immediate fans. The rest of the family joined in pretty quickly, too. I never stop laughing at The Icy Patch.

And EVERY year as I bake my Christmas goodies I find myself inevitably quoting Janice:

This was an immediate taped-off-TV addition. I have been able to procure a copy on DVD for my mother in later years, but still have been unable to get my own. It’s a tragedy that hopefully will be remedied in some year soon to come.

Other Muppet Christmas things have come along that have added to the humor of the season. Just last year my brother posted this on Facebook for the family to enjoy:

(I should add here that my family of 8 kids + 2 parents is full of many diverse personalities and interests. But there are three things to which all of us can come together on: the Gospel of Jesus Christ, games, and the Muppets. So it isn’t just that we like the Muppets. They are a mutual interest that brought us together in our earlier years and still do so today.)

It isn’t the Christmas season for me without the Muppets. Nor is it Christmas without the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. My parents owned a substantial amount of Christmas music, and a good deal of it was MoTab. I bet there are family members who can still quote from the hilariously fabulous “Night before Christmas” song on the record we’d listen to. (Specifically “his droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow!”) I always feel at peace when MoTab sings Christmas—not just the sacred ones but also the upbeat or silly or fun ones. They help bring home to me the true meaning of Christmas—the gift of the Savior to the world.

Muppets and MoTab. It isn’t Christmas for me without them. Which is why when they announced Sesame Street Muppets as guests of the annual MoTab Christmas concert, I was floored. I had to go. But my name wasn’t drawn from the ticket pool. I was resigning myself to not get to be a part of this, when a friend of my roommates gave her tickets for the concert. And she asked me to go with her. And it is one of the best Christmas presents of my life! Not to mention that the amazingly talented, gorgeous, possibly single ;-), Broadway star Santino Fontana will be with them. I got to hear him at the Pioneer concert and was blown away.
He might soon rise up among the greats like Josh Groban and Dallyn Vail Bayles.

This concert, for me, honors my life full of Muppets plus family plus family memories, Broadway and singing and music, MoTab’s presence and influence, and my Savior. A truly wonderful Christmas season it is!

Flabbergasted!

My friend shared this with me at our party last night. I laughed so hard, so loud--I'm sure I annoyed all in the room with me. The only thing I can say for my laugh is it is unrestrained and honest.

But if you know how much of a Downton Abbey fan I am, and how much I have come to love One Direction's song "What Makes You Beautiful," I think you can imagine why I was laughing even more obnoxiously than normal.

Had to share!!

And THEN there was Josh

If you haven't picked up already, I've been posting this month on the history of the men in music that I have come to love. Why? Well, it's February. The month of love. And it's also the month of Josh's birthday. Indeed. Today is Josh's birthday. So I'm going to link to the 2 posts I wrote of Josh almost 3 years ago. I don't think I could say it any better than I did then.

http://austenknowsbest.blogspot.com/2010/05/love-story.html

http://austenknowsbest.blogspot.com/2010/05/for-sereneand-others-more-than-you.html

Except to add that I love Josh and his voice and his music even more today than I did when I discovered him over 10 years ago.

Happy Birthday, Josh!

Thank you for being you, and for being a part of my life!

Before there was Josh Parts 2 & 3

#2: My next love in singing was Cleveland Lynch. Cleveland--wherever you are, I still miss hearing you sing. 

#3: After him came Dallyn Vail Bayles, though I didn't realize who he was until a couple of years ago. See, as a sophomore at BYU, I was blessed to go see The Light of the World. It was a production specifically put on during the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. It was very touching and I wished I could see it again. What I remembered the most was how much I loved the main male singer's voice. He played the part of Alma Richards. And I had no idea who he was.

In 2008, during a very difficult time, I discovered the song "My Kindness Shall Not Depart from Thee." I downloaded the choir and solo version. And the solo version, according to my iPod screen, was sung by a Dallyn Vail Bayles. For years it was the song that touched me most. But at one point I was able to see that I loved his voice, too. It still touches me today. I believe it always will. How could it not?



A couple of years ago, I woke up to my iPod as usual. I recognized that the song was one I had downloaded from the Light of the World soundtrack. A song with Alma Richards singing, because I had loved his voice so much. As I lay there, it dawned on me: I had heard that voice somewhere else! I thought and thought, and then connected. It was Dallyn Vail Bayles! I had "found" my Alma Richards!

Since then. I have become an avid fan. I looked up all I could to see what else he had performed in, as actor or singer. Good thing he was pretty "common" in LDS stuff. He's played Hyrum Smith in "Joseph Smith: The Prophet of the Restoration" as well as been in some of the Liken the Scriptures movies. 

I have not been as avid a fan as I could be, seeing as I've not purchased any of his CDs and such. But I still love his music, and his voice.
  So here he is singing one of my most favorite songs ever. I sang it on my own CD, but could never do it the justice that he does.

Before there was Josh

I posted this on another blog a couple of years ago. I can't believe I didn't mention it on this blog! Because before there was Josh, there was Gordon.

Day 22

I forgot how much I love Gordon McRae's voice. I forgot, that is, untl tonight.

See, I may love Josh's voice. But Gordon's was in my life first and, thus, longest.

Since 3rd grade it was Gordon who told me how beautiful the morning is.

And teased and flirted with me about how others talked about us.

Though he broke my heart in 7th grade, yet he still mended and melted it when he told me how he loved me.

And in high school he made me silly with talk of moonlight.

And could win me over simply by telling me I was the only girl for him.

But tonight? Oh, nothing can beat tonight when he told me he only has eyes for me.

.........

Unfortunately, I'll have to keep that to myself--unless you have access to Tea for Two.

I love a man who can sing--particularly a good tenor/baritone. What about you?

But I had to update. I found the song. Someone finally put it up on YouTube. Now you can hear Gordon sing about only having eyes for me. And I'll try not to swoon each time I play the video.

And as I've discovered this love from Downton Abbey, I must add this one as well.

Born of Goodly Parents

I had a milestone birthday this year. In "honor" of it, I fulfilled a 13-year-old dream and recorded a CD for my parents. I specifically chose songs that have meaning between either my parents, or between my parents and me. While I recorded it at a professional studio, the recording is by no means as professional as, say, the wonderful Josh. I just couldn't afford the time or finances for something like that!

Anywho. I know there are friends and family who would like a copy. I am not selling the CD. It is illegal for me to do so. But I would love to provide copies to those interested. The cost to copy and ship would get a bit steep after a bit, so I came up with a PayPal option. For the next few weeks I will have this option available (on the left sidebar of this blog) for those who would like a copy.

Thank you for your love and support--especially here with two of my greatest loves in music and singing.

For Serene...and Others: More Than You (Didn't) Ask For

Serene let me know that she wasn't aware of Josh. And there are so many who don't. Can you see why the world has need of me?! :-) I thought, if she wasn't aware of Josh before now, some of the rest of you might not be either! Well--I had to remedy that! Of course. Fully ready to inundate you.

So here I go in introducing you--or feeding you more--in The Joy of Josh. And I'm pretty sure if you thought you didn't know his music before, you will recognize something somewhere. Note: Most of these videos you could be perfectly fine with just listening to as you go about other tasks. Some facial expressions, clothing choices, or pictorial usage could be better left...alone.

First, I shall begin with the song that began it all for me. (To Where You Are)

While watching this video, I almost started to cry myself--this song meant so much to the nation when he sang it only months after 9/11/01. And it has meant a lot to me.

This next song was from his 2nd album, Closer. Some songs--including Josh's--it takes me a few times listening to it before it makes a connection. As life moves up and down and in and out, various sings mean different things to me. Some mean more at one point than they do at another. Some catch hold of me forever. This song. It only took one time listening before it reached into my soul and found permanent place.

This next song is also from the 2nd album. This song speaks to me in so many ways and has touched me at different times and for different reasons. Can you imagine having this song start playing in the middle of a breaking heart and floods of tears at the realization that another boy...would not choose you? The song has never been the same for me since. (Remember When it Rained)

As you can see, Josh plays and sings. (Composes, too.) I don't do both together well. But I do love playing this song so much. Power and passion all throughout. And note also that this is from the DVD recording of his AWAKE tour. The city chosen was Salt Lake City. And yes. I was there. (Can't you hear my screaming?)

Speaking of that concert (which was my 2nd concert of his to attend), there is one thing I was highly disappointed about with the recording. I have my own recording of it. Very shaky, very blurry, and very screamy. But my recording has what the DVD did not keep--one of my favoritest ever songs:

I have so many favorite songs in this world. And I have so many favorite Josh songs, too. One top favorite came into my life a couple of months prior to the release of his 3rd album AWAKE. It came at the point I needed most. In fact, this is what I blogged at the time (Oct 2006):

Still a few moments of sadness continued. They weren't just related to my guy situation. Some came from feeling the disheartened and hurting emotions of the surrounding sisters in the ward, and even from some of the brothers, too. Yet things happened during the week that I know were messages from Heavenly Father. These included some of the Conference talks I was reading. And I looked up some past General Authority messages. One thing that stood out to me was Pres. Benson telling young single adult women to "never demean yourself." I have trouble with that, and I need to work on it. Another was so subtle, and kind of funny to take it this way, but I chose to do so. On our ward temple trip, I was confirmed for a woman whose last name was Smiley. Is that not a hint to return to being more cheerful, especially to me--who loves to smile?

But the biggest message came yesterday. I learned that my boy Josh is finally releasing another album on Nov. 7th. Of course, I have put in my order. His website has a clip of one of the new songs. I listened a couple of times (as usual) before I started to hear what he was saying. Something stood out and struck me so deeply. I had to find the lyrics, because it sounded like what he was saying was what Heavenly Father and His Son wanted me to hear. And it was. It's what I've been needing to hear for the last 3 weeks.

The song meant so much, I couldn't keep it to myself. The first person I shared it with happened to be Serene's brother--who immediately turned around and shared it with their mother. See? When something has power and truth like that, you can't keep it to yourself. (Kind of like the Gospel...)

(I couldn't help it. I cried while watching this video again. Its truth never stops. Its beauty and comfort never ceases.)

Then there is the song that makes the movie Polar Express amazing and reminiscent of the magic and wonder that Christmas held for us as children....and maybe as adults, too.

Then there is my Guilty Pleasure. Guilty because is so many ways this musical is terrible--the story, a couple of the songs. But some songs are amazing. And the right voices singing those songs? Incredible. I enjoyed borrowing Chess the Musical in Concert on DVD from Netflix for about a month last year around my birthday. And it was a very, very happy thing.

"Where I Want to Be" - demonstrating some amazing talent on Josh's part

"You and I" - a love song of a forbidden, futile, fruitless, and selfish love that gets stuck in my head for days--especially with Josh and the original Elphaba from Wicked

(for more of that song, you can go to this video. The part that speaks most to me right now is at 1:45 until the chorus)

Oh! And I just have to show this hilarious line--hilarious because it's set to music! Wouldn't I love to sing this about someone once in a while.

"Anthem" - if ever a song was meant for Josh, it's this one. He's been singing it for years. (Josh loves musical theater)

Ah. Chess. What a conflict in my music loving heart. But Josh helped put at least some of it firmly in there somewhere.

So, in all of this video browsing, I came across a new (to me) one! This is the 3rd album title song that many are not as familiar with because it was on the Special Edition album. I love the words to this. Interesting as a duet. Really, uh, interesting rendition.

And if I haven't bored you to liquid Jell-O status, yet, here are just a few more!!!!

The duet with Barbra that I love

A favorite A.L. Webber for me (though Josh has a couple of ehh moments in it)

The "other" song in my early discovery of Josh--this one means so much, too. Years later this would "enter" my life in a completely new way. And again, it would never be the same.

(oh goodness. I just started crying at this one, too.)

For SaraLyn (and Becky if she's watching)

A favorite of SO many

One of my favoritest Christmas songs--to sing and to hear

And he knows not to take himself too seriously

Such a fun song to dance to. (Pardon the clothing in this)

And to save my favorite for last. But my favorite Josh song? Can I call it my very favorite? It feels unfair to so many of the others that I love. Hmmm.... Well, very favorite or not, if my future husband is agreeable, this is the (or a) song I would like to dance with him at our wedding reception. It's just so perfect following our temple sealing. (But why oh why can I never find a clip when it's just him singing it? Oh well.)

A Love Story

Mona at Mona's Musings mentioned writing our own love story, and it put me in mind of this entry I wrote on another blog on August 28, 2008 (Josh Day).

My Josh: A Love Story

I do not like fads. It is a well-known fact about me. I was the girl who refused to fall for the Harry Potter craze and said I wouldn't read the series until all 7 were published. True to my word, I waited until last fall. I resisted reading Twilight for months, until I met the author and was impressed by her speech at the BYU Symposium. Pretty much, I'm very against being a lemming.

In the summer of 2002, I moved home...to work two jobs and recover from an emotionally trying semester. One of the jobs was a library page. I helped close the library most of the weeknights. As I was driving my parents car, I had no music of my own to play. So I settled for the radio. And as nauseating as Delilah is, I liked many of the songs that she played in her evening radio programs. I began to notice on my way home from work--driving in the dark and with my thoughts winding down--this one song was often playing on Delilah's program. I always came in on it in the middle. And never did I hear who it was when the song was over. All I knew was that this voice that was singing was amazing and I knew I had not heard the like of it before--not even in Cleveland Lynch! The song itself was pretty nice, too. It was terrible--I couldn't embrace true fan-dom of this voice because I had no idea who it was! Plus, there was just the one song played over and over. Perhaps it was a one-hit wonder.

I returned to school--where I never listened to the radio--and figured my evenings of hearing The Voice console me were now over. Before the semester started, I was standing in line at the BYU Bookstore when my musically-inclined ear tuned in to the faint music playing over the speaker. In my great and happy surprise, I loudly blurted out loud, "It's him!" But it was a different song! And the woman next to me said, "Oh, yeah. That's Josh Groban. He sang at the Olympics." Four thoughts went through my head:

1. A name! At last!
2. He's real!
3. He's not a one-hit wonder!
4. How in the world did I miss that in the Olympics--I was in the same state!?!?

Well, whatever the shock and surprise and whatnot, I had a name and I knew he sang two songs. And that was all I had to hold in my heart for some time. At Thanksgiving, I had to leave early to make it to the extended family dinner. I hate missing the Macy's Parade. In the...family, that is "Heidi's thing." So I stuck a tape in to film the rest of it to watch later. It was the Spirit prompting, for later that evening as I was watching, the upcoming float was announced and they said "Josh Groban!" I'm sure I squealed. I saw him for the first time. And my four thoughts were:

1. The Voice! In the flesh!
2. He's real!
3. It's "the other song!"
4. He's...really not that cute. Oh well! Who cares with a voice like that?

So, now I had heard the voice, learned the name, and seen the person. Who could ask for anything more? Um. Well, I'm ashamed to say I didn't. But glad to say I didn't settle there. The following Valentine's Day, I went to dinner with a friend...whom I hadn't seen in years. Somehow his name came up in the conversation. This friend worked for Circuit City and said she received free CDs all the time and that name sounded familiar. Needless to say, she gave it to me! No case, no insert, nothing. Just the CD. And it was golden.

My roommate and I became obsessed with the CD! She even went online to download the Songlist for me so I knew what I was listening to. I was not disappointed. I had not chosen wrong in falling in love with The Voice. It was only after I received the CD and came to memorize the thing that I learned this boy had been pretty famous for a while. And stepping back, I could see that he was a fad in his own right. I was immediately grateful that the Lord introduced him to me in a way that I would not immediately "shun" him before giving him a chance.

Why such a blessing? Because it has been Josh's music and its messages that have pulled me through some of the most difficult times in my life. I always heard a song that was just what I needed at that time in my life. Like "You are Loved" when I was feeling so low and forgotten and trodden down. Both SLC concerts came at highly needed times in my life, and were also perfect graduation presents to myself. And, yes, as I have never been ashamed to admit, I wrote to Josh as well. A few times. He was my objective person that I felt a connection to through his music. You may laugh, but I was the one who wrote more than once chastising him for not originally putting SLC on his AWAKE tour. And when the second round came, lo and behold, what city had been added? And what city was chosen for the DVD? Yeah, I know. I probably had nothing to do with any of that. But I at least let my voice be heard.

Well, even in spite of the fad that can be Josh, I soon came to learn that so many had never heard of him! And one of my missions in life became clear: To Spread the Joy of Josh, One Person at a Time. I think I've been getting there. My father is now a huge fan. As is my [aforementioned] roommate.... Overflowed CK with it. Wore Caleb down to it. Probably annoyed the rest of S308 with it. Took Jess on "a date to meet this guy..." And have probably inundated all the blog readers with too much talk of him. In this entry at least. So I'll end.

A Love (& Hate) Story

Two weeks ago, the ever wonderful Charleybrown at Enchanted Serenity yet again made me aware of something across the pond that I wouldn't have heard anything of for many months.

First off, may I preface with how much I adore the book The Phantom of the Opera. It is one of my favorites. In the top 5. The musical? Well, I do love much of it. (And not love some of it.) And it is, of course, very well done as only A.L. Webber can do. I love singing and playing some of the songs. I love how I often do feel as if I'm soaring when I hear some of the music from that musical. I tried as hard as I could to memorize the libretto when I checked it out from the library.

But it's not the book, or, I should say, not as good as the book (in my typical reader opinion). So many things left out, and enough done to the story to confuse the audience. For example, I am still shocked by people who are sympathetic toward the phantom. Only those who have only seen the musical would think that. Those who have read the book know how devious, unfeeling, scheming, twisted, horrid person that he is. (One little hint: His torture chamber from the book is not even mentioned in the musical.) The musical also glosses over the fact that Christine and Raoul knew each other for many years and loved each other long before the curtain rises on either the book or the musical.

Still, as one whose own life-long hobby is composing a musical based on a favorite book, I understand the need and difficulty to condense and lose much of a great story and great characters. So, I don't fault much in the musical as I could. (Though I'm still upset about the "treatment" of the Persian. A barrel monkey indeed!)

Well, with my great love for the book and my love for A.L. Webber's music/musicals, you may imagine my intrigue when I learned two weeks ago that said A.L. Webber had composed a sequel to his own musical. Yep. Phantom of the Opera's sequel Love Never Dies is premiering in London this month. And my skeptic reader self thought "How can you make a sequel when Erik dies at the end?" Then I remembered. He doesn't die at the end of the musical. It was left open, as A.L. Webber intended. (He has spent 20 years working with ideas of this sequel musical.)

So what would they do with the story. My reader/book-loving self was quite wary, but my musical-loving self was anxious. I read what I could in the one evening that I allowed myself time (though I really should have spent the time reading picture books for work or doing my taxes). I read of the background of the man A.L. Webber himself picked to play the phantom. (And oh wow was I impressed and taken in!) I watched three or four of the movie clips (one included later). I wanted to be in the know--and I wanted to own "the one song." Thus, I bought the CD. From across the pond, yes. But the excitement of the evening's discovery had me on the less sensical route, and the CD was bought. I waited, and kept myself from telling anyone how anxious I was to know what would happen. What this music would sound like.

It finally came. I got it this morning and immediately popped it into the car on my way to work.

My Review

(Note: contains spoilers)

"The one song" was played a few times. But I knew I must move on to hear the rest. I had not gotten 1/2 way through the 1st CD by my lunch hour. And already I was quite worried and a bit upset. I listened to the rest on my drive home and as I washed dishes and made fruit pizza tonight.

My thoughts? I hate the story. Hate, hate, hate, H.A.T.E. it! I could spend days and days of all the things that I hate about the story. The orchestral pieces were enchanting and mesmerizing (as could only be expected of A.L. Webber). But I hate the story. There were a few songs that slightly annoyed me, yet others (like "the one song") that will never leave my life the same again. But I hate the story. I liked a couple of twists (like Meg's feelings) that I would not have expected. But I hate the story. The voice of the man chosen to play the phantom? Wow, there are times he is right up there with Josh--and that's saying something from me! But I hate the story. I was impressed with Christine. But I hate the story.

I was furious with what was done concerning Raoul and Christine. And I hate the story. I was livid about what happened in the second to last scene. And I hate the story. I was startled by the last scene and completely dumbfounded by that choice of ending. And I hate the story. I despised the whole Superman/Indiana Jones/2002 Count of Monte Cristo element that things these days just have to include. If you didn't catch those references, let me quote a portion of a phantom-Christine duet:

Once upon another time,

You went off and left me alone.

But that's not all you did...

You left me with a son.

Oh, did I mention I hate the story? Yeah. 'Cause in my musical and book interpretations, the relations between Christine and her devious Angel of Music were completely chaste--no matter what the true meaning of "Music of the Night" is! I liked how the 2004 movie handled it, and that's how I viewed it. Nothing happened. But an earlier song in this sequel talked way too much of what apparently the writers for this sequel decided had happened. And guess what? I hate the story. And then as the musical went on, I suddenly had a dawning--as the phantom himself does. And I was ready to not continue after the first CD. Honestly. I already hated the story that much.

But I'd bought the thing and might as well see what else happens. Worse and worse. More and more hating it. Let's just throw in a lot of views of the world and twist them musically so that they twist your heart into being sympathetic. No! I am stronger than that. And I will stand firm: I hate the story.

But I love "the one song." And I laugh that I went through so much effort...just for "the one song." Yet listen to the song (and the voice) for yourself and you will see that no matter how much one can hate a story, they can be totally in love with a song. Especially if that one person is a singer herself. Oh, if a man sang this to me, I think my entire being would melt.

(Much more enjoyable to listen to than to watch, by the way--what is up with music videos like this? Though the other is slightly more odd)

So I love the song. And I hate the story. We'll see how I connect with some of the other songs, and how much I'll not listen to others. I wonder about the reception of others to this musical. I see so many who will love every bit of it. While it would be nice to have others understand my feelings over it, if I stand alone in hating it, then I stand alone. That's not the first time. But I'll let you decide for yourself, for "to each his own" in their views and opinions. And much of the world will be happy that their sympathies for the phantom in the first musical will be answered in this second.

But me? I should have gone with my initial instinct, and just listened to the YouTube video for free over and over. Ah, well. At least I'm more informed now. Let's just hope Gaston Leroux can still rest peacefully.

P.S. My word do I hate the story.